Waking At 4am

Hi Guys

Today when this note was written I awoke at 4am. Why? A lot is on my mind. How come? Such is the nature and joy of my life. It has always had an edge to it. Some people find it endearing. Some annoying. Some arrogant. Some humble. Whatever your sentiment towards me such does not matter. Never has done. Never will.

I awoke after not being able to sleep for two hours. My tummy was empty and the dream I had although interesting was the same dream. Do not ask. But as I stood at the window of my bedroom and breathed in the fresh night air and traced the arc of the moon across the sky various troubles just for a minute melted away into insignificance.

I am healthy. Yes some of you may know about my constant tiredness but we know what that is due to. Being switched on and never being switched off. The batteries drain. A classic illustration is that I cannot sleep for more than six hours at night. I was in bed by 10pm knowing I would be up at 4am. The bad habit of going to bed at 2am for the past three years and waking at 8am has modified my body clock. What have you been doing you may ask? To be honest that brings out nothing but sheer regret.

I am not only healthy but I am intact. I have two arms and legs and hands and feet and eyes and ears and everything else in working order. Yes including that too.

To those of you who cannot see beyond the murk of your own nose you may wonder what is the point of this note. It is 4am remember. I doubt very much that most of you could do anything at this hour unless money was involved. Cue Chris Rock.

The point is this. There are times in life when troubles and deep thoughts plague away at your mind. The more you push yourself to do then the more exposed you become and then the more to a degree you expose yourself to become slammed hard when things go wrong. Our existence to a degree is a balance between how much you are prepared to give for what return you expect to get. Most people think in that way. The basic code of self preservation.

Take medicine. How many medics would continue to do it if our maximum wage was £20000 for the rest of our lives? How many would continue if the prestige became such that a property developer would be seen as more noble? How many would continue if the constant admiration from our non-medic peers ceased? If we had to compete not just for ST posts but for FY posts on an international global market pattern which is the case in most jobs out there?

Many medics would state that they are doing medicine because they find it so interesting. Really? That the science is so good. Indeed? When you strip everything down how much of our so called noble career choices and actions would we do if the financial benefits were reduced? Think about it. Some of you on this list have never experienced poverty. So be careful with the thought that comes into your head round about now. Do not be in a hurry to say you would continue to do it. Just imagine a consultant salary at £20000. Busting your ass for just that amount of money?

Many of us do not do it for the money. Of course not? But if the extra social bells and whistles that accompanies our trade were cut out completely I wonder how many would stick. Cue GP salaries. So many of our peers now find general practice interesting. Well it should be with £100000 and a four day week and enough time to watch your little clones trot around.

Forget the bad grammar in this note. It is 4am. But as per usual this shall get posted at 5am. Why? Just went for a walk. At this hour? Yes. No one is about.

To hit this note home many of us have embarked upon careers to do something positive with our existence to make the world a better place so we say. To change the world. You then hit your early twenties and most people around you have just jumped on the bandwagon that is life. Their lives although interesting are no more interesting and have no greater impact than most people around. Just another face in another crowd on another continent.

Some though maintain that exuberance through their twenties but then get married and get bored. How interesting.Some continue their idealistic dream throughout life and change the world. Many of you on this list can change the world irrespective of your circumstance. Many comment that such is just youthful dream thinking. No substance. No direction and not realistic. Really? The sorts of people who change the world are not necessarily those who dream up new medical advances. New cancer treatments. New digital players. New clean cars. New every this and that which sustain the human desire to maintain an existence that is as pleasurable for as long as possible. Not those people.

It is simply those who are never concerned about the return they get in life but are only concerned about how much they give in life are the transformers that we never see nor hear nor even touch. Those people change the world. Cue Mother Theresa. Ten years ago Princess Diana passed away on 31st August. Remember it? It was an unforgettable day. Remember the day Mother Theresa died? Not so easy. If I wanted to pick a role model out of the two you can perhaps guess whose mine would be.

Except for a handful of doctors throughout human history from Ancient Egypt through to the present day not a single one of us medics is going to have an impact that can even be put on the same shelf as that of Mother Theresa. Cue Elizabeth Fry. Remember her?

Let us bring back the GP salaries. I am sure that most of us would agree with the reasons that many have for wanting to become a GP. But check the mindset. It perhaps would be much more interesting if someone commented that their reasons for wanting to become a GP are not necessarily for those egocentric reasons but that the significant salary increase would afford them the resources (i.e. money and time) to give more back into the community then to simply swallow money from (i.e. through that communities taxes) it to have a better standard of living.

Even if it were simply to have a higher standard of living for their children but whose objective is simply to have such to enable them to have more resources and time to encourage the people they have the greatest influence over to become humanitarians and to change the world.

Should not that be the motivation to seek a job with a huge salary? To grant you the means to put much more back into your own community so that someone else through whatever means can have another chance to reach their dreams? To use it as a means in this interconnected habitat to help better mankind? Imagine if that was the goal of everyone then would not the world be a better place?

You may think such crazy. If you do then DELETE me as a friend on Facebook. Do me a favour as that is the only reason why I am doing medicine. To treat mankind to grant that person another shot at living a fulfilling life. That is it. The pathology when you consider it is boring. Most of medicine is boring. It is an exercise in understanding the nastiest things that can go wrong to a human being and trying to fix it. Fix it? Or heal the person? Two different things.

Medicine as I have found out (shock horror) is NOT humanitarianism. This often shocks a lot of people as the noble aspirations upon entry seem childish towards graduation. If it was humanitarianism then why the pomp? The circumstance? The privilege? The indescribable kudos and social capital that medicine brings?

Remember Mother Theresa. People often state that you do not have to be a Christian to be a good person. You have got it the wrong way around. You just know the stereotype and such a comment is too predictable. Such is modern dumbed down religious studies in school by educators who do not know their left from their right.

Christianity is NOT about being a good person. It is NOT about sticking to rules and regulations. Yes there are rules and the round about emphasis on being a goody goody but such are superficialities where many small parts make up the whole bigger picture. A gestalt effect.

Christianity is NOT about being a good person nor any of the other misconceptions. If it was then Mother Theresa would be a good person and the vast majority of us would be bad people including me. That is not true though is it? It is much more than that.

In short it is to give everything you have and to expect NOTHING in return. Everything means just that. Everything. Your money. Your time. Your energy. Your house. Your clothes. Your existence. Your focus. To share.

If the world considers you a good person then so be it. If they consider you a stupid person and a bad one then so be it. Who cares to be be honest. There is NO promise which states that to be a Christian is to be a good person. So please enough of that thought.

It always amazes me when people seem shocked by such an above statement. So why are you a Christian when it has nothing about being a good person some ask? Think about it. You do not even need a faith to answer that question. Or do you?

Goodness. I am tired. I should go to my bed but wide awake. Breakfast television for me then.

God Bless

Simon

P.S. My life is that simple? Is yours?