I am sad. Stressful week but also just some things have gotten to me. Two people died whom I was associated with over the past few weeks and it kinda has gotten to me.
One big part of medicine is reflective practice and learning. Scripting an emotion bound tale concerning a particular patients physiological demise is a thoroughly uncomfortable experience for me for many reasons.
First, it brings back to remembrance memories concerning the death of friends who I wish could walk through the door. I wish I could see them beaming the big smiles that used to envelope their faces. Instead they are no more merely becoming passing sands in the countless shifting sands that define the numerous ages that the Earth has seen.
Second, I myself have had some medical interventions that in another time and place if not implemented would have rendered me blind on two instances at a young age, having to endure permanent shoulder damage in another instance and certain death in one high altitude climb. I am fortunate to have had rapid medical intervention that worked in more than the above three instances. It is saddening when intervention cannot restore normal physiological functioning no matter who is at fault for the cause.
Third, the experiences that some people endure is something I cannot understand, irrespective of my experiences, as I am simply not them and privy to their emotional repertoire and personal contextual circumstances.
For confidentialities sake I cannot put down my experiences this week concerning one patient but it has stopped me in my thinking ever since. Anyway I need some sleep and to be honest need to come home.
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